I’m tempted to try an experiment. What if for a short period of time I try to be someone different, or give up the things I normally do such as writing and reading compulsively, neurotically demanding peak performance of myself in every realm (including teaching – putting up rigorous effort into planning, preparing, etc.). What would be the effects? Would I become a different person? Release another aspect of myself? Would it be freeing or maddening? Borges (one of my writer-gods) claimed that there is no such thing as personality (“The Nothingness of Personality”) and that we are not just one self (“Borges & I). The most obvious self is the public role we take on. I look at the difficult roles that others take on and seem so good at in appearance, such as those with heavy responsibilities (deans, chairs, managers, etc.) But what are we like when we’re alone? Truly alone? Well, I’ll see if I can try the experiment, even in a small way. Maybe it sounds crazy, or a little off. I don’t know. But I imagine I’m not the only one who secretly (not anymore) desires to just not be ‘ourselves’ for even one day…

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